Кстати, у чувака из предыдущего поста был ещё и просто пёрфект тайминг. В том числе, потому что как раз вчера я послушала
Эпизод 36 Kakos Industries, "Jules" - и его основная линия выстёбывала как раз это. :3 Вот просто не в бровь, а в глаз, и для меня она вчера прозвучала особенно эпично, потому что БЛИН ЗНАКОМО-ТО КАК.
Вот серьёзно, я сейчас это просто процитирую, несмотря на длину и несмотря на то, что в текстовом виде воспринимается совсем не так, как было голосом. :3 Этот растущий градус дискомфорта в голосе Корина, который до конца пытается быть вежливым, но...
И да, этим завершается [думаю, завершается] сюжетная линия, которая пунктиром тянулась уже почти по десятку эпизодов: про то, как один из департаментов Kakos Industries пытался сделать так, чтобы тем мужчинам, которые приобретут услугу, не пришлось ничего делать для налаживания романтических отношений и работы над ними - их МПХ делал бы всё за них.
Которая, кстати, была восхитительна сама по себе. :3
оно странное, так что пристегнитесь"Before we get to the festival recap, I am proud to announce that we have a special guest for all of you today. The Sexual Innovation Division has finally developed what they are calling a working prototype of their Penis-with-a-Brain. To tell us more about it, I am joined by researcher Richard Wood.
Richard: It’s wonderful to be here, Corin. I’m a huge fan of your work on these broadcasts.
Corin: Well, thank you for saying so, Richard. [разговор, касающийся событий одного из предыдущих эпизодов, который я не буду приводить, ибо нерелевантно] Now, Richard, I understand that you have something to show us.
Richard: Yes. I’d like to introduce you to Jules della Famiglia, my penis.
(Richard unbuttons his pants, unzips them, and pulls them down.)
Corin: Oh, hi, Jules.
Jules: Hello, Corin! It’s wonderful to finally meet you! Might I just say that you are looking fantastic today, Corin.
Corin: Oh, thank you.
Jules: And what is that lovely aroma?
Corin: Oh, it’s a special blend they make for me. They call it Evil Overlord.
Jules: How wonderful. It’s the perfect icing to such a delectable cake.
Corin: Ah, um, thank you Jules. Tell me a little bit about the project here. How exactly are you joining us like this today?
Jules: Thank you so much for asking, Corin! You see, the Sexual Innovation Division has perfected a methodology for implanting miniature human brains into the human penis so that men can let their penises do all of the talking during regular dating activity.
Corin: And how have the results been?
Jules: Women love me, Corin. Have you been working out, by the way? You’re looking trim.
Corin: Oh, um… a little, I guess.
Jules: You look simply magnificent, Corin.
Corin: Thanks, Jules. We need to take a break and do some other announcements.
Jules: Not a problem, Corin. You do whatever you have to do.
<...>
Corin: Let’s get back to Richard and Jules. Jules, is that a present?
Jules: I got you a present, Corin.
Corin: Oh, that was thoughtful of you.
Jules: I was just thinking about you, so I thought I’d get you something special.
Corin: You really didn’t have to do that.
Jules: I just wanted you to know that I care.
Corin: Well, thank you Jules. I, uh.. I like you too.
(Box opening)
Corin: Oh, it’s an evening gown with an empire waist.
Jules: Do you like it?
Corin: It’s beautiful. You know, I don’t usually wear-
Jules: I could take care of you, Corin. We could have a life together.
Corin: Um… I’ve got some more questions. Some of our shareholders might be wondering how you enjoy being a sentient penis.
Jules: You know, Corin, I don’t think about it too much. I’m just trying to live life to the fullest. I’m just doing what makes me happy. What makes you happy, Corin?
Corin: Uh... Richard, how have you liked having a sentient penis.
Richard: It’s pretty cool. We’re tight.
(Pause)
Corin: Okay, then. Let’s do some other announcements.
<...>
Corin: Okay, Jules, I have just a couple more questions for you. I’d appreciate if we can keep this segment on-topic.
Jules: Don’t listen to what anyone else says, Corin. I think you’re beautiful.
(Corin sighs)
Corin: Okay, Jules, have you found much success with the ladies?
Jules: Why do you want to know about them, Corin? You know you’re the only one for me.
Corin: Jules, this is getting inappropriate.
Jules: Touch me, Corin. I want to feel you.
Corin: No. I don’t want to.
Jules: Oh. Oh. I see what this is.
Corin: Good. If we can get back on track, I’ve got a couple more questions.
Jules: I see what this is, Corin. You’re being a bitch is what this is.
Corin: I’m sorry?
Jules: You’re a bitch, Corin.
Corin: What?
Jules: I gave you presents, Corin. I told you how wonderful you are. How beautiful your are to me. I listened to you whenever you were upset. I listened to you when all those other guys broke your heart, Corin.
Corin: I don’t remember that last part. I’ve only known you for under an hour.
Jules: You’re just an ungrateful bitch, Corin.
Corin: I’m sorry?
Jules: I gave you love, Corin. I gave you kind words, and I gave you a beautiful dress. I’m a nice guy, Corin. I’m a nice penis. But you can’t see that. You’re just obsessed with all those douchebags.
Corin: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Jules: I give and give and give, and what do I get? Bitches like you just taking advantage of how nice I am. And here I thought I was doing you a favor, Corin.
Corin: A favor?
Jules: You’re fat, Corin. And you’re not that pretty. I don’t like your makeup at all. Most guys wouldn’t look twice at you. But I like you and I thought I’d give you a chance. You should be thanking me. But instead you’re just a bitch who can’t respect what she’s given.
Corin: So… Richard, I think you should know that this project is cancelled.
Richard: I know.
Corin: I’ll decide what to do with the rest of your division tomorrow.
Richard: Understood.
Jules: You’re just a bitch, Corin! Just an awful, bitch! I loved you! Bitch!
Corin: Please just get the fuck out of here.
Jules: Oh, why you gotta be like that, huh?
Corin: Richard, get the fuck out of here before I literally cut your dick off.
Jules: So… um… there’s still a chance for us, right?
Corin: Out!
(zipping sound, muffled “bitches”) "Ооочень в тему, ящитаю.
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13.07.2016 в 18:18-
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13.07.2016 в 18:59-
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14.07.2016 в 11:12А ещё мне хочется под это дело перефразировать как-нибудь строки "Что ж ты, Ванечка, не весел? Что ж ты голову повесил?", но все уменьшительно-ласкательные от "Jules" слишком стрёмно звучат.
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14.07.2016 в 11:22А мне, кстати, теперь вспомнилась ещё широко известная в узких кругах постановка Me and My Dick от Team StarKid. Они в целом больше известны пародийными мюзиклами на Гарри Поттера, Бэтмена и Алладдина, но это тоже весьма упорото и как раз про это, только гораздо менее сатирично, чем Kakos Industries, больше просто упоротый юмор.